Just in time for the holidays: The Return of ‘White Trash Cat’s in the Cradle’

For your Christhanukkwanzaa-time edification and entertainment, I humbly offer you the lyrical wonders of “White Trash Cat’s in the Cradle,” sung of course to the original, despair-creating tune of the original. I posted this a few months ago but it got lost, and I just can’t deprive you any longer. #yourewelcome

This one’s for you, Mom and Dad.

Sleazy Cat

White Trash Cat’s in the Cradle

My child got borned just the other day
Born at a hospital thanks to Medicaid
But I was in stir doing 90 days
He learned to smoke while I was away
He was setting fires ’fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say, Why don’t I look like you, Dad
Thought I was s’posed to look like you

And the crap is on cable and the Spam’s on a spoon
Huffing some glue and shootin the moon
When you stumblin home, Dad?
Hell if I know when
But I’ll get my shit together then, yeah
We’ll go and watch the dogfights then

My son turned snitch just the other day
He said, thanks for bail, Dad, now let’s am-scray
Can I hide in your car? I said not today
Goddamn neighbors had it towed away
As he went to the safe house, his chances looked slim
He said, I’ll have a record long as him, yeah
You know I’ll beat some ass like him

TV dinners on the table and we’re cooking a spoon
Chasin’ some Jews and the occasional coon
When we gettin’ meth, Dad?
Hell if I know when
But I’ll get my shit together then, yeah
Get drunk and trash motel rooms then

My son got out of prison just the other day
Such a tough sumbitch I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you
Wanna drink for a while?”
His shook like a tweaker with his toothless smile:
“What I’d like, Dad, is to fuck your common-law squeeze
See you later, Ima tag that skeeze 

Playing craps at the table and ingesting balloons
Choking on our own vomit and then turning blue
When we gonna win, Dad?
Hell, I don’t know when
But I’ll get my shit together then, yeah
Buy us both a doublewide then

I’ve long since gave up, my son’s on the run
I called him up just to offer my gun
I said, “I’d like to see you, can you come outside?”
He said, “Fuck no, Dad, you know I’m trying to hide
Ain’t no way I’m paying child support
Bitch wants to take me to court, Dad
You know I don’t do good in court.”

As I hung up the phone, the police said to me
My boy was just like me, yeah
Now the judge won’t accept your plea

Been fap-fap-fappin’ in dirty bathrooms
Running out of E so I’m doin some shrooms
When you cleaning up, Dad?
Hell if I know when
But I’ll get my shit together then, yeah
But if I don’t, then fuck all of themmm 

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